Yes, McDonald’s is trying to eat your baby – right after they fatten him up on French fries and nugget sauce. But I’m okay with that because also they made me a Twinkle! Just for me. I’m convinced.

I have in my possession (thank you, e-Bay) one stuffed, butterscotch-colored Chihuahua Happy Meal toy that bears a striking resemblance to the dog in my first Suzy Q. book. Except, you know, the miniature version isn’t trying to lick dead bodies and eat Kleenex.