My Muse in 34 Steps

I just read my writer pal Kelli Stanley’s recent blog post on how to bring on her muse, which implies – nay! states! – she knows how to do this. She has tricks, techniques, tried-and-true methods. She has a whole freaking list.

I have no list. I wish I had a list, a plan, a hint, a glimmer. Jesus Christ on toast, give me something!

All I have is this:

  1. Get up. Pour coffee. Sit down at computer.
  2. Think about writing right away. No distractions. No sir-ee.
  3. Remember the otter-a-day blog with cute pictures. Decide that’s a better way to start the day.
  4. Check e-mail.
  5. Consider free shipping offer in e-mail. Spend twenty minutes on-line browsing for things I won’t buy.
  6. Check e-mail.
  7. See other writer friend is on instant messaging. Chat.
  8. Chat.
  9. Chat.
  10. Check e-mail.
  11. Feel guilty for not updating blog more often.
  12. Open current work in progress (WIP).
  13. Get more coffee.
  14. Check e-mail.
  15. Go to lunch.
  16. Check e-mail.
  17. Worry that current WIP is utter piece of dog doody.
  18. Check to see if there’s another otter photo up. There isn’t.
  19. Check e-mail.
  20. Write one paragraph.
  21. Sigh.
  22. Look at clock.
  23. Remember deadline.
  24. Panic.
  25. Write two pages with sweat dripping down face.
  26. Switch to soda pop.
  27. Write two more pages like tail is on fire.
  28. Realize this isn’t so bad. Wonder if this is what a muse feels like.
  29. Look at clock.
  30. Panic more.
  31. Write, write, write, write, write.
  32. Finish day’s word count. Sit in chair panting.
  33. Feel the need for après amore ciggy. Remember I don’t smoke.
  34. Check e-mail.