My website biography says I’m “at work on the next Suzy Q. book.” In reality, the next Suzy Q. book is at work on me.

Writing this outline is like wrestling with a greased pig. It sounded like a good idea after a couple of drinks, but now I’m just covered in Crisco with my butt in the mud, and the pig is pissed.

Up until now, I’ve followed the rules. No tail pulling or ear biting. Well guess what, Wilber? I’m tired. I smell. I need a shower, also possibly some new pants. So you and I aren’t going around this pen again. I don’t care what it takes.

I am locking myself in this room. And as God as my witness, I am not coming out until every scene in this book is planned.

You hear me, Wilber?

It’s bacon time.