The One Where I Accidently Kill My Mother

So I wrote this blog post.

And after I wrote it, I realized that I had admitted I knew the terminology associated with some pretty hardcore sexual kink off the top of my head. And while you should infer absolutely nothing from that, my mother, who smells like chocolate chip cookies, reads this blog. And now she’s going to fall over and die of the embarrassment right there in her cubicle. You can not resuscitate her. There is no cure for that kind of horror.

So before you go on, I’d just like to say that I’m sorry.

But this is kind of funny, so on with the show.

I have mentioned it before on Twitter, but it bears repeating again that I love this blog so much I would totally feel it up in back alley, and it wouldn’t have to pay me or anything. So when the author of said blog linked to another blog, I went with it.

It’s good, but significantly less awesome. So less awesome that I’m not going to link to it here. But the truth is a large chunk of its less-awesome-ness can be attributed to the fact that he refers to his wife as “hot wife.”

What he means is that he is appreciative of his wife’s physical attributes. He finds her to be attractive, and I’m happy for him.

Except, of course, that “hot wife” is a well-known term of sexual kink that refers to a woman who has sex with men other than her husband with his permission and sometimes his presence for his gratification.

And since this blog is by a nice Jewish boy who spends most of the time talking about his six-year-old daughter’s love of Barney and his son’s baseball team, I REALLY don’t think that’s what he means.

But I can’t stop thinking it. And then – THEN – he wrote this post about his wife, who clearly does not know enough kink terminology, going to a taping of the Ellen DeGeneres Show and taking with her t-shirts that said “hot wife” as gifts for Ellen and her partner.

Oh. My. God.

She might as well have taken t-shirts that said “Leather Slave” or “Ass Master.”

I am at once horrified and embarrassed on her behalf and really, really sorry I didn’t get to see that exchange in person because you know Ellen totally got that.