Jumpers: the outfit that makes you pee your pants

First it was snakeskin leggings. Now it’s jumpers. Just when you thought things really couldn’t get worse, the fashion industry trumps itself.

Let’s be absolutely clear on something. If you are old enough to go pee-pee in the big girl potty, you are too old to be wearing a jumper. You are too old for a jumper because a jumper is another name for a onesie, those baby outfits with the snaps between the legs. (And OMG, if a designer puts out one for grown women with snaps down the crotch, I will lose my mind.)

So let’s assume your onesie doesn’t have snaps. Can you imagine how massively inconvenient that’s going to be standing in the bathroom line at a concert after three beers? You have to really, really go, but you have to really, really wait. Then you’re in a stall the size of a coffin, and you’re trying to get completely undressed because that is the only way to get the pee-pee in the big girl potty without ruining your $2,000 outfit of shame.

Not only does this thing make you look stupid, IT MAKES YOU PEE YOUR PANTS. Why would you buy clothing that makes you pee your pants? Why?

It’s just not rational.






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