1. Idly scan Craig’s List to avoid working on new book. Have no intention of buying anything. 2. Find coffee table that you would have designed if you were that smart. Assume someone else has already bought it. 3. Send e-mail to seller anyway. See step 1. 4. Faint when seller writes back with still-available…

So that TV thing…well…that could’ve been worse. I didn’t, for example, vomit on myself, which would’ve been particularly embarrassing because the show was live. LIVE. Imagine my horror. The number of things that could go wrong in that scenario are more numerous than the French fry crumbs on the floorboard of my car. You say…

I’ve suspected the end was coming for some time. It got harder and harder to get my hands on it. I started trolling the internet, asking friends if they had any to spare. And now, the axe has finally fallen. My favorite hair product has been discontinued. For a minute there, throwing myself off the…

First it was snakeskin leggings. Now it’s jumpers. Just when you thought things really couldn’t get worse, the fashion industry trumps itself. Let’s be absolutely clear on something. If you are old enough to go pee-pee in the big girl potty, you are too old to be wearing a jumper. You are too old for…