Oh my God, I want this.

And because my mother raised a fine, upstanding, fully functional Midwestern girl, I know how to cross-stitch. (It was only later that everything went to hell.)

I even own my own embroidery hoop.

Internet: “Shut up. You do not.”

Me: “Dude, I so do. Also a wide selection of DMC floss. Shove that in your pie hole Martha Stewart.”